The Bad Boyfriend You Keep Going Back To
Sneaking Out of Social Media's Vice Grip (ON YOUR SOUL)
This is McKinzie! I met McKinzie when she was my student in a creative writing class. We bonded over our love of cats and she eventually became my pet-sitter for my beloved Siamese, Rumi. We’ve kept in touch over the years, and recently her Twitter posts caught my eye.
On October 27th, she informed her Twitter followers that she was unplugging from social media until the end of the year so she could “use this time to focus on [her] year-end priorities without the social vortex sucking [her] in.” Her wedding is coming up in mid-December so that was another reason to take a break from social media.
But then, on November 13th, she was back on Twitter with this message: “Okay guys. I failed. I can’t do a social media break. I’m too talkative for this. I need to share my thoughts and have a sounding board. I’m back and I hate hate hate it.”
The fact that the word “hate” was repeated three times got my attention; I reached out and McKinzie and I had a chat about her love/hate relationship to social media. What made her unable to stay away?
McKinzie works for an advocacy organization that works with patients with obesity. She started out as a writer for the organization, which involved running their social media platforms. “It taught me a lot about writing,” she says. “I used to be long-winded but I learned to tone it back and say what I need to say in fewer words.”
Running their social media didn’t only improve her writing chops; it also allowed her to connect with other professionals in the industry and eventually contributed to her career advancement. “I’m a 26-year-old young professional and I want to grow myself in my organization and in my field,” McKinzie says. “I’m trying to build something. How else do I do that without social media?”
Social media is the main way that she stays connected with other professionals in her industry. If she didn’t have this job or career, she wouldn’t be on social media at all. “I keep up with my friends and family through text, but I can’t do that with my professional network.”
Ironically, LinkedIn overwhelms her. She finds the focus to be too professional. “Facebook strikes a balance between professional and expressive,” McKinzie explains, “while on LinkedIn, you only see people’s professional side. It doesn’t capture my attention.”
While being active on social media has allowed McKinzie to advance in her industry, it has also led to an unhealthy attachment. McKinzie explains: “It’s become very draining, especially this past year. As I grew in my role with the organization, I always had the feeling of being plugged in. Even when I was watching television, I had the urge to check my notifications or mindlessly scroll through my feeds. I stepped back and realized it wasn’t healthy.”
So, she decided to unplug for a few months. With her wedding coming up, she wanted to make sure all loose ends were tied and that she was spending quality time with her partner, Rondall. “I wanted to be more intentional with my time.”
For her social media experiment, McKinzie took the apps off of her phone. “It took so much willpower,” she says now, the unplugging experiment a not-so-distant memory. “I have a very addictive personality,” she continues, “and I was dying to go back on Twitter and Instagram.”
A few days after starting her sabbatical, she had to reach out to a board member and the only way she knew how was through Facebook. Instead of downloading the app, she started checking her newsfeed on her internet browser, getting around the barrier of deleting the apps from her phone. “It was like a black hole!” she tells me. “Facebook just kept sucking me in!”
Now she’s right back to where she was before. Her habits around social media haven’t changed, which adds to her anxiety. “I don’t like the feeling of always being digitally connected. There’s always going to be a notification, always someone tagging me or trying to get ahold of me. I feel stuck to it, like I have no freedom.”
She admits that quiet moments of nothingness make her uncomfortable, leading her to reach for her phone. “I haven’t learned the lesson that it’s okay to not be doing something.”
But she hasn’t given up yet. Like the patients she works with who struggle with obesity, McKinzie knows that people who do extreme diets usually fall back into old behaviors. Her advocacy organization preaches lifestyle changes and moderation over yo-yo dieting, and it’s the same with her relationship to social media. “Swearing it off is not realistic,” she reasons. “It’s a valuable tool.”
In the future, she might get her fiancé to join her in changing their social media habits, that way she has an accountability pal. Also, she wants to develop other hobbies that can distract her so that she isn’t always “itching to check her phone.”
“On my phone, I’m not moving much. Just sitting and watching. I want to be doing things that are more active and engaging.”
Good luck, McKinzie!
Tip of the Week
Delete all social media apps from your phone. This means, you can only check your accounts on an internet browser -- so annoying. The trick is to ALWAYS log out of your social media accounts on your computer browser, forcing you to remember passwords -- difficult. Inputting your password gives you the chance to reevaluate: Do I really want to do this right now? Or am I just looking for a distraction?
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