Save the Instagram Drama for Yo Mama
The Aftermath: Friend Break-ups in the Era of Social Media
Even the royals have to navigate family drama on social media!
Nowadays, there are so many ways to be friends. We’re friends IRL. (In Real Life) We’re friends on Facebook. We follow each other on Twitter and Instagram. We’re connected on Tumblr, Snapchat, WhatsApp, ETC! So, what happens when a friendship turns south? Now we have endless social media networks to navigate after a friend break-up. Do we unfriend? Unfollow? Block? What used to be easy(er) has gotten infinitely more complex with so many platforms on which to perform friendship.
I’m writing about this from experience. A good friend and I had a falling out recently, which has presented challenges in our shared social circle, but also our shared social media networks.
The first action I took was to leave the WhatsApp group where we all of our friends post pictures, share news, and organize get-togethers. I didn’t take this decision lightly. My beef was with one person, so why did I have to cut myself off from the whole group? I went back and forth over what to do for a few weeks until I finally took the plunge and exited the group, which was unsettling and upsetting but overall a necessary move that I don’t regret. Since then, I’ve lost the convenience of being able to communicate with all of my friends at once, and it’s much harder to hash out schedules and plan gatherings.
On the other hand, leaving the WhatsApp group made me come to the same realization that I came to when I took my yearlong social media sabbatical: my friendships are stronger than a social media network. My friendships are stronger than technological inconveniences. My friendships can outlast a social media sabbatical or a WhatsApp group break-up.
My friend break-up has reverberated to other social media networks, too, although I didn’t really think about until a photo that I posted on Instagram created drama. I don’t think of myself as a very public person. I barely use Facebook for anything personal, besides sharing my publications and articles of interest. I post on Instagram infrequently. And yet, my Instagram profile is public, a privacy setting that I can change, but this wouldn’t change the fact that 780 people have access to anything that I post. And who are these 780 people? Some of the are friends, family, and acquaintances, but many of them are strangers to me. This experience made me realize that my life is more public that I think, and I had to ask myself this question: Am I okay with that?
Getting rid of Instagram altogether doesn’t make sense because it is a good tool to connect with other writers and artists and far-flung friends. Writers are constantly talking about building a “platform” and social media is an important place to build such a thing. There’s only so much we have control over when it comes to social media, and these days I’m reflecting more about the ways that I want to control my private and public life.
To deal with this conundrum of public vs private life, I’ve started toying with the idea of making a private Instagram account that’s only accessible to a select few friends, the same way my friends do to share pictures of their baby (which they don’t want to be publicly accessible). But then I think about how I don’t really want to use Instagram that much anyway, so why create another avenue where I’ll feel safer posting about myself?
Perhaps not feeling safe to post about my personal life on Instagram will hinder my use of the network, making it a less personal space where I purely post for “platform-building” purposes. But that doesn’t feel right either! And also, I must remind myself that I can’t control other people’s use of social media. Perhaps I want to keep my private life off of social media, but that doesn’t stop friends or family members from posting about private things that are relevant to me: events we both attend (like my birthday party), or issues that effect the both of us, like my sister posting about my father’s passing.
Social media is a space that we share with the world, and every person on these platforms has a different ethos when it comes to their privacy. Our own friends might have vastly different ideas and attitudes about social media. And yet, that doesn’t mean that we necessarily have to conform to anyone else’s norm. Like the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, we’re free to live our lives however we see fit.
Tip of the Week
If you're having lunch with a friend during a work day, schedule a phone break into your meal. This way, you can both be present during your conversation and feel at ease that you'll have a moment to check on work stuff at a designated time.
Thanks for sharing this great tip, Selena!
Digital Life Around the Web
Sorry, I only have eyes for royalty drama right now. If anything else is happening on the web/in the world, won't ask me about it! Juuust kidding. Kinda.
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