The Privilege to Disconnect
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Going Off-Grid Isn't Possible for All -- But Setting Boundaries Is!
A flash of fuchsia in the bougainvilleas!
If you’ve spoken to me lately, you’ve heard me sing the praises of my latest practice: keeping my smartphone off during work hours. As a freelance writer, I don’t have “work hours” and I answer to few people besides myself. Add to that a deeply extroverted personality and a dash of codependency and you have someone who is happy to give their time and energy away to anyone and everyone. These personality traits make it hard for me to create barriers between myself and the always-beckoning world available with a quick swipe of my smartphone. As a result, my creative projects suffer. And so, thanks to switching off my smartphone during “work hours,” I’m thrilled to have found a renewed surge of energy and focus when my brain isn’t constantly being bombarded by dopamine hits.
Some of my friends have given this practice a test run to see how it works in their lives. A few have found the same freedom and sense of serenity that I’ve found. Others have found that it has produced the opposite effect on their lives. Most people I know, though, couldn’t even think of giving it a try. Their lives don’t allow it.
The truth is, disconnection is a privilege that not everyone can indulge in.
“I live alone,” my friend says when she explains why she wouldn’t feel comfortable shutting off her phone overnight. “It’s a matter of security.”
I completely understand that rationale; would I feel so free to power down my phone if I didn’t live with a partner whose phone is rarely off? I know that, should my family need to reach me in case of an emergency, I am always reachable with or without my phone. My partner is that reliable point of contact. In case of an emergency in our home, we would have immediate access to a phone thanks to him.
For me, the privilege to disconnect has ebbed and flowed over the years, depending on life circumstances. In my early twenties, when I was vagabonding around the world, I was often off the grid. Every so often, my parents would receive an email updating them on my whereabouts. On special occasions, I’d duck into a phone booth and call home.
During those freewheeling years, I had no one to answer to—no partner, no boss, no dependents. I was beyond the age where my parents had a say in my decisions. I was free from responsibility and I soaked it up as much as possible, knowing in the back of my mind that this wouldn’t always be the case.
“I never slept with a phone in my bedroom,” another friend says, “until I had teenagers.”
I also understand this reasoning, and although I don’t have children of my own (yet—mine is still baking in the oven!), I have been responsible for a dependent: my ailing father. During those years as my father’s guardian and medical proxy, being easily available to his caretakers and medical team was extremely important. I couldn’t dream of going off the grid without leaving extensive instructions about how to reach someone else in the family should anything happen while I was out of network. Resurfacing after 24 hours of being incommunicado was frightening: What had happened while I was away? Had there been an emergency? Was my father okay?
Perhaps the high level of stress and responsibility that I experienced during my father’s last years make these moments of freedom feel even more delicious—the feeling of being able to drop out of the world and drop into my own creative work without serious repercussions. Also, I am fully cognizant about how this all will change once I become a mama and my level of responsibility skyrockets yet again, my own personal pursuits left simmering on the back burner.
For some people, like my partner, a demanding job requires them to be highly available via all the communication channels: phone calls, WhatsApp, Telegram, Team Viewer, Zoom, Slack, email, etc. Even public school teachers are expected to keep their cell phones accessible at all times throughout the school day and are constantly fielding phone calls and emails from their administration; I often wonder how that level of distraction would have affected me as a student.
Even so, my partner who manages 70 employees asserts that the modern expectation that people should be immediately available at all times is a harmful one. Once upon a time, your work lived in an office and remained there after you left. You weren’t reachable when you weren’t home. Our communication was contained—with everyone in our life: employers, friends, and family. Now, those barriers have disappeared and communication has exploded.
We’re all living with different circumstances in our work and family lives, but we can still maintain our sanity by asserting control over our devices, setting boundaries around communication, and adjusting expectations with others. For me, that looks like shutting off my phone from 9 p.m. until 5 p.m. the next day. For you, it might look like setting email "work hours" twice a day or letting your colleagues know that you don't check email on the weekends. Perhaps it looks like keeping your phone in a drawer in the kitchen until after you've had your first cup of coffee, or limiting social media time to your lunch break.
It’s all about intentionality. We can still be thoughtful, productive and kind while limiting our dependency on devices.
Tip of the Week
THANK YOU to all who filled out my quarantine digital life survey. I love hearing your thoughts and experiences with the digital world during coronavirus! And here's the link for those of you who haven't had a chance to fill it out yet!
For this week, set a boundary for the sake of your digital health. It can be something small, like only checking news during odd hours, or something bigger, like deleting your social media apps. Write to me and let me know how it goes!
Digital Life Around the Web
A technology reporter has "thrown off the shackles of screen time guilt." In the time of corona, she wants to be "covered in screens."
Are your kids covered in screens in an effort to maintain sanity in your household? Don't fret. It's not even that bad for them.
A look around the world: this weekend in photographs.
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