Russian Roulette
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Ya Never Know What You're Going to Get
Photo by NEOSiAM 2020 from Pexels
When I found out that my friend Maika was taking a break from social media, I reached out. “I could be having a good day,” she told me, “but then I open Instagram and see someone’s pregnancy announcement. It could be someone that I haven’t seen since middle school, but still I think to myself – there’s another person who’s healthier that I am.” Maika has struggled with infertility for the last four years, an experience that has negatively affected her mental health. With the help of her therapist, she’s realized that having a window into people’s lives via social media has contributed to feelings of unhappiness and unworthiness. “Often, seeing other people’s posts makes me feel like I’m not good enough.” Basically, social media was bolstering the negative emotions that she was already feeling.
“When you log onto social media, you don’t know what you’re going to see,” her therapist explained. “It could be something that brings you joy, or it could be something upsetting.”
Maika didn’t want to completely delete her social media apps, but she decided to take a break. Her goal was to stay off social media for one day; she lasted five whole days instead! “The first day, I wondered what people were doing and posting about,” she told me, “but day after day I became more present in my own life. It made me feel like I could think clearly!”
After her break, Maika took a different approach. She was going to use social media – but mindfully. Instead of reaching for her phone and unconsciously opening Facebook or Instagram, she started setting a timer for ten minutes. Often, she’d close the app before the timer went off. She made sure to check in with herself to see how she was feeling after scrolling through her feed, and most of the time she felt worse. “It takes a lot of focus to remain in control,” Maika admits.
Sometimes, though, Maika doesn’t feel like being mindful. During those moments when she just needs a mental break, she’s trained herself to open Candy Crush instead of Facebook. She’s found the game to be a good alternative to social media; Candy Crush takes the stress off without making her feel upset. Plus, she likes the colors and the feeling of satisfaction after winning a round.
Social media has its benefits, though, especially when you use it for a specific purpose. For example, she used a Facebook group to find black businesses to support in her town. She also started using another app called Peanut, where she’s been able to connect with other women who are also struggling with infertility. While she finds it helpful to share information and vent, she also needs to stay mindful so that she doesn’t become overwhelmed by other people’s experiences.
Maika also realized that she was justifying her time on social media with the notion that this is where she was getting her news. But in the end, she was getting way more than just news. She was also being exposed to offensive internet trolls and expending energy in dealing with the crazy and upsetting things that people say online. “I want to stay informed about what is going on with the world,” Maika said, “but I don’t need social media to do that.” Now she seeks out the news mindfully by turning to NPR, Apple News, New York Times, and The Skimm, a daily newsletter that gives readers a brief update on the day’s headlines.
So often, Maika fell into a social media rabbit hole and emerged feeling emotionally drained. It took getting real about the toll that social media was taking on her mental health for Maika to reexamine her mindless habits, but she’s developed some tools to stay in control, like setting a timer each time she logs on. For me, the takeaway from my conversation with Maika was this:
How do you feel after being on social media? Has your time scrolling through your feed buoyed your spirits or weighed you down?
Tip of the Week
Next time you open the social media app of your choice, set a timer. Like the bell that Buddhists use to stay centered on their meditation, we could all use a little mindfulness reminder -- especially when we're on social media.
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