iHygge
Tips for smartphone sanity this holiday season
In the tropics, you don’t get outward signals that this is a time to go inward, to hibernate and lean into the hygge (or “comfort conviviality”), as the Danish say. Although I miss a lot about the tropics, there is a certain thrill about living in a place where we feel the seasonal shifts. I’ve spent the last few days putting the finishing touches on lanterns that we will carry with us through the dark woods in celebration of the longest night of the year. The winter solstice is upon us.
This is a time for rest, but it is also a time for celebration and sweet connection with loved ones. There is so much to do to prepare for the holiday season: crafting, baking, cooking, cleaning, shopping.
As I am readying my home for hosting yuletide celebrations, I am also thinking about ways to prepare my digital world for what I am hoping is a period of respite and rejoicing.
How can we make this time special and meaningful? Just as we put intention into gift-giving and special meals, we should also put intention into the quality of our time with others, and with ourselves.
The truth is, when someone pulls out their phone—whether in the company of others or alone— it totally changes the vibe. It weakens the connection between people – and that’s a proven fact.
Here are some ideas to maintain peace around devices this holiday season.
· Adjust other’s expectations. You don’t need to have a job to add an out-of-office reply to your email. You can also personalize your signature to read something like this: “I’ll be taking time away from my devices this holiday season, I may be slow in responding.” This action is for you as much as it is for others—to signal to yourself that you’re taking a step back from your digital life.
· Delete rabbit hole apps. Minimize the temptation to while away unstructured time scrolling when you could be taking a walk with your cousin or helping your aunt bake her signature apple pie. The apps—and the rabbit holes—will still be there after the holidays, waiting to lure you in.
· Keep a physical distance from your phone. Leave it in the car when you go to the holiday show with your family or keep it in your bedroom instead of in your pocket. Also, powering down your phone completely for a few hours or after a certain time each day is a great way to remove the temptation to check notifications or scan your emails on the can.
· Have conversations with loved ones around use of devices during the holidays. Discuss phone habits and how they affect those around you. Let the people in your life know that you’re going to be taking some space from your phone in order to be more present and invite them to join you in this endeavor.
· Turn it into a game. Getting people off devices can be a tough sell, especially for kids and elders, who are proving to be more addicted than most. Give a prize to the person who stays off their phone the longest. Fun for the whole family!
· Make requests: “I try to minimize the amount of time I spend on my phone in front of the kids. Do you mind using your phone in your bedroom?” You have every right to make requests of the people around you but remember that people have every right to say “no, thank you.” Still, it’s worth asking, and it may lead to a good conversation about the topic.
· Find alternatives to the phone’s basic functions. Buy a throwaway camera and take turns passing it around or keep a digital camera handy to snap photos of silly moments. Turn on the radio or pop on a record or CD instead of scrolling through Spotify.
I’m not advocating that you throw your phone into the river this holiday season (although at times I wish I could). All I’m saying is, put a little distance between yourself and your phone. Talk to your loved ones about how precious this time is and how you’d like to deepen your connection rather than retreating into the world of digital connections. Take a few small (but intentional) steps to curtail your digital addiction and enjoy a more peaceful and joyful holiday season.
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🧹Housekeeping
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🌀In the pipeline: A podcast! Stay tuned to learn more about “Scroll Sanity”, a podcast where I will speak with a wide variety of guests about staying sane in a digital world.
🗞️Article of the Week
‘Luddite’ Teens Don’t Want Your Likes, NYTimes (gift link)
A group of Brooklyn teens have formed the “Luddite Club” where they intentionally eschew smartphones in favor of other activities like reading, sketching, sewing and other non-digital hobbies. The founder of the club makes the observation that this may be the only time in her life that she can realistically live without a smartphone.
“I still long to have no phone at all,” she said. “My parents are so addicted. My mom got on Twitter, and I’ve seen it tear her apart. But I guess I also like it, because I get to feel a little superior to them.”
✨My Takeaway:
I wish I could be in this club! I think back often to my Luddite ways, when I was able to get away with not having Wi-Fi at home and I still had my cherished flip phone. I knew back then what getting a smartphone would mean for my mental health, and I was not wrong. The founder of the Luddite Club says: “We’re not expecting everyone to have a flip phone. We just see a problem with mental health and screen use.”
🎵Song of the Week:
Crowded Table by The Highwomen
Although I have never really listened to her music, I couldn’t put down “Broken Horses,” Brandi Carlile’s memoir. It’s fun delving into her music after getting the full backstory. (Her story is truly terrific — friendships with both Elton and Joni??) I recommend both the music and the memoir. The Highwomen is her all-women folk band.
I want a house with a crowded table
And a place by the fire for everyone
Let us take on the world while we're young and able
And bring us back together when the day is done
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